Sara's Story

Sara volunteered to share her story to help our cause. Thank you Sara.

Brianna: When did you enlist? How old were you?

Sara: “I was 18! I enlisted in 2009. I was running from some things back home and thought it would be a good idea to have stability.”

Brianna: How long did you serve?

Sara: “A few weeks shy of 4 years!”

Brianna: What branch were you?

Sara: “Army! Military police. 31B. My highest rank was E4.”

Brianna: Where did you serve?

Sara:” I did training for 8 months in Missouri at Leonard wood (however it’s spelled) and I did the rest of my contract in Louisiana at Fort Polk!”

Brianna: Have you experienced any social stigma regarding your PTSD either from the civilian population or other military members?

Sara: “Civilians: they don’t fully understand the transition is not a temporary thing for us. In my opinion. I joined at such a young age that it truly molded my frontal lobe to be a “soldier”. I didn’t have a normal young adult hood. At 18 I was in full battle rattle training Iraqis to be police. Our brains don’t process “normally” I guess and it doesn’t go away. So, for instance driving down the road my husband and kids see trash bags.. I see a full panic attack in .03 seconds because to me it’s an IED or a roadside decoy or something that is absolutely not true. Civilians don’t understand that once our minds are molded and then you’re just literally spit out of the military and expected to function like a normal person? You can’t. So, me parking in handicap (I look totally fine not disabled) people don’t get that I do that because it’s the fastest line to the store and out. It’s more than a parking space. It’s a sense of stability or routine. I know where they are at each store I go to. It’s in my routine. And anything out of it I panic! So, people laugh or make jokes that I don’t deserve handicap plates or make snarky remarks. That’s just one example. I could go on and on and on. From the public view in service dogs (mine is now aged out. She’s 7..) but I’d get looks or told to take my pet home.

Other military people: I’ll be upfront. I did not go overseas. Gearing up to go to Iraq I was diagnosed with a heart condition that I 11 years later got surgery for.. I couldn’t deploy. So they put me on a garrison contract for the remainder of my time and I worked the base like a cop would in a town. I did all that junk. The domestics. Suicides. The kid that won’t listen calls. I did those for a few years until I got pregnant and left. Because I didn’t deploy and get my combat patch, other veterans (not all. Most are great) but you get a few who think they have the biggest one. The stigma is no deployment no ptsd. Which in sense is not true. Yes I didn’t sit across the world and fight but I fought my brothers and sisters here while others went overseas. I had to witness my battle buddies who had taken their lives and take guard until the coroner came or things like that. So I feel that PTSD is PTSD. Regardless of geography”

Brianna: I was going to ask how your condition affects your life now, but I think you just told me.

Sara: “ When they say you sign your life away, they mean it.”

Brianna: Has there been an effect on your loved ones stemming from your time in the military or your condition now?

Sara: “Oh yesssssss it has so much. I lost custody of one of my children (I get summer visits) because of my ptsd. The courts said that I was not capable of being a stable house with such a critical mental health condition. (Keep in mind I had a 4 year old I had sole custody of at the time. Dad not in his life) My middle son lives with grandmas and dad in Vegas. Behind closed doors I struggle. I haven’t gotten out of bed today. I missed church. I’ve been off and on crying since last night because I don’t feel safe (even though I know in my logical mind I am). I got up at least 4 times last night to check the doors of the house and make sure nothing has been moved outside. It sometimes gets to the point of blackouts. It could be for minutes or hours. I’ve put my husband in headlock and put him against the wall and searched him like I was a cop (this was earlier this year). My mental health has led me to drug addiction and a suicide attempt.. I’m sober now and I am safe of harming myself but the struggle is there. I fear everyday I’ll lose my other kids because of this. I’m scared I’ll relapse. I’m scared that if I black out and do something stupid it could be life altering.. my husband has the same fears. I don’t black out as often. I’d say once every few weeks or so. It used to be multiple times a week. I also am diagnosed with what they call psychogenic seizures from the ptsd. If it gets too much for me, I fall to the floor and have a seizure lmao. It’s not funny but it is.”

Brianna: Is there anything you would change in how mental health and disability is handled in the healthcare setting?

Sara: "I’m not sure how I would change it because it’s already come such a long way than before. I don’t follow politics much but I know trump had a huge hand in making the surgical waits shorts and the claims wait short! I’d just say that I wish we had more options for more providers. We are limited with Tricare. Also the medication wait time is long unless you pay out of pocket. Our pharmacy comes from a “bigger” pharmacy by mail. I can’t just go to Walgreens or something. I wish that was different."

S, S. (2025, December 7). Sara’s Story (B. White, Interviewer) [Personal communication].